Hotel Song

Come in, come in
Come into my world I've got to show
Show show you
Come into my bed
I've got to know
Know know you
The porter smiles to me a smile
I've bought
With a couple of gold coins
A sign that I've been caught

Don't Lose Yourself

The moment you enter into the world of words you start falling away from that which is. The more you enter into language, the farther you are away from existence.

It’s ironic that the one person who can put a smile on your face in an instant is usually the same one who can wipe it off faster than anyone else in the world.

Insights.

No inside or outside just everything and nothing all at once arising and passing close to the earth forever building relationships that connect it all throughout time.

These days have been so amazing. Fall has came. I couldn't be more exciting. Now to take some photos.

Enough Said.

UNDERCOVER MARTYN - TWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB

Neil Gaiman

“When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn’t make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares still walking. When we hold each other we feel not safe, but better. “It’s all right” we whisper, “I’m here, I love you.” and we lie: “I’ll never leave you.” For just a moment or two the darkness doesn’t seem so bad.”

“Relate with others, but relate with yourself also. Love others, but love yourself also. Go out! - the world is beautiful, adventurous; it is a challenge, it enriches. Go out fearlessly - there is nothing to lose, there is everything to gain.”

Augustine.

“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”

Pablo Neruda

“You swallowed everything, like distance, like the sea, like time. This was my destiny and it was the voyage of my longing, in it my longing fell, in you everything sank.”

Helena Beat.

I've tried to say that it's not the only way.
I never knew if I could face myself to change.
You were pacing, I was insecure.
Slip and fall, I'm dodging calls, hug the prison i've been living in.

Osho

“There are only two types of people in the world: those who try to stuff their inner emptiness, and those very rare precious beings who try to see the inner emptiness. Those who try to stuff it remain empty, frustrated. They go on collecting garbage, their whole life is futile and fruitless. Only the other kind, the very precious people who try to look into their inner emptiness without any desire to stuff it, become meditators. Meditation is looking into your emptiness, welcoming it, enjoying it, being one with it, with no desire to fill it — there is no need, because it is already full. It looks empty because you don’t have the right way of seeing it. You see it through the mind; that is the wrong way. If you put the mind aside and look into your emptiness, it has tremendous beauty, it is divine, it is overflowing with joy. Nothing else is needed.”

Just Something To Think About.

“When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will treat yourself. As you think of him, you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself.”

Coldplay

Come up to meet you.
Tell you I’m sorry.
You don’t know how lovely you are.
I had to find you.
Tell you I need you.

Love. Love. Love. Love

I'm digging this boy, each time I talk with him. Which is a lot.

Life Is Your Responsibility.

You can’t just sit around and expect things to just happen for you. If there’s something you want, work for it in any way that you can. Things will eventually fall into place very precisely because both effort and focus were put into it. Even getting yourself out of something as damaging as depression is possible if you do what you can to change it; things you love, standing up for what you know is right, going on adventures, gardening, traveling, cooking, collecting, keeping a journal, writing music, drawing, painting, web designing, water rafting, staring at the stars, going to the beach… there are an infinite amount of activities and potential passions available to us if we choose to recognize those things and act on them. The only person that will ever limit what you do is yourself. You can sit around putting the blame on outward circumstances all you want, but I guarantee that it will get you nowhere because your life is your responsibility. It is your choice where you go in life and what you do.

Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful

So let me crawl under the sheets with you.

Where I can feel your warm embrace.

The way each curve on our bodies mold together perfectly.

I promise it won’t be long until I meet you in my dreams.

Waking Life.

A thousand years is but an instant. There’s nothing new, nothing different. The same pattern over and over. The same clouds, the same music, the same insight felt an hour or an eternity ago. There’s nothing here for me now, nothing at all. Now I remember. This happened to me before. This is why I left. You have begun to find your answers. Although it will seem difficult, the rewards will be great. Exercise your human mind as thoroughly as possible, knowing it is only an exercise. Build beautiful artifacts, solve problems, explore the secrets of the physical universe. Savor the input from all the senses. Feel the joy and sorrow, the laughter, the empathy, compassion.

Yes.

I find it quite interesting when something composed as complicating as what humans are, we sometimes only crave the simplest things. Just a touch, one smell breath of somewhere new, to hug, the effort to smile, to sleep right next to someone, comfort. All those things. We’re not always selfish.

It's Always Been On You, Always.

You feel good, you feel bad, and these feelings are bubbling from your own unconsciousness, from your own past. Nobody is responsible except you. Nobody can make you angry, and nobody can make you happy.

Eckhart Tolle

If peace is really what you want, then you will choose peace. If peace mattered to you more than anything else and if you truly knew yourself to be spirit rather than a little me, you would remain nonreactive and absolutely alert when confronted with challenging people or situations. You would immediately accept the situation and thus become one with it rather than separate yourself from it. Then out of your alertness would come a response. Who you are (consciousness), not who you think you are (a small me), would be responding. It would be powerful and effective and would make no person or situation into an enemy.

I recommend going outside and actually looking around with a blank mind. It feels like a dream, like there’s no worry in the world and we’re all in control. It reminds me that we’re all infinite just like the endless patterns, even just of our world alone.

Something I Seriously Wish I Had.

You want to know what happiness is? It’s waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyone’s shoulder but their own. You smile, kiss their face in the most gentle manner so as not to wake them. You turn back around and an involuntary grin forms on your own face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and you know it doesn’t get any better than this.

I'm Only Human.

I am healthy, confident, strong. I am loved and I give love. I am happy, motivated, persistent. I am independent and free of any limitations. As a human being connected to the universe, my potentials exceed more and more every single day! It is my choice where I’m headed in my life.

Express Yourself.

All power is within you. You can do anything and everything. Believe in that. Do not believe that you are weak; do not believe that you are half-crazy lunatics, as most of us do nowadays. Stand up and express the divinity within you.

Deeper Conversation.

I really honestly just can’t imagine how lonely it must be to completely change yourself for the superficial benefits of social status, of being accepted by a group of people that don’t even really mean anything to you… because there’s no true connection in that. Have you ever gotten to experience what it feels like to be an individual? Have you ever gotten to experience a true connection with someone on a much deeper level then having ‘conversations’ about things that are so insignificant? Because it’s actually very refreshing to experience something real and more meaningful.

Be Happy.

Life really isn’t as defined as people think it is… I mean all of these rules and expectations that most people feel they have to abide by are all created out of thin air. Of course it takes effort to nourish our lives, but life doesn’t always have to be so serious all the time. It’s here for us to enjoy and to experience and to learn and to be happy!

Everything Will Be Alright.

And in that moment, everything was chaotic around me, it was like I was watching my life play before my eyes, it was falling to pieces.
Yet inside I felt so calm, as if I already knew I was going to be okay, no matter what this moment left behind.
I would be just fine, just fine.

(:

In my heart, in my mind, he is truly the one.
I seriously can't imagine how one person can make you feel so amazing.
Each day it truly only gets better, and I couldn't be happier.
:) he makes me happy.

Time To Let Go.

Suffering is not holding you. You are holding suffering. When you become good at the art of letting sufferings go, then you’ll come to realize how unnecessary it was for you to drag those burdens around with you. You’ll see that no one else other than you was responsible. The truth is that existence wants your life to become a festival.

I'm Just Realizing This.

I think that one of the greatest human tragedies is our addiction to making everything so complicated. Life is life, we’re all here spontaneously without any explanation, so why do we choose make life into something complicated and un-enjoyable?

Seriously, Don't Kid Yourself.

I can honestly say that if you’re doubting your relationship, don’t stay in it just because you will miss their company and their love… I know it’s fucking hard as hell, but you just have to cry it out for however long it takes and get through it. No matter how much a significant role they have played in your life, if things merely change between the two of you, their role is probably over so that the next time you’re in a relationship, you have a way better idea on how to handle things.

[:

Anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind. Because I came here with a load, and it feels so much lighter since I met you. And honey you should know that I could never go on without you.

Oh, finally.

“But then there’s that one person. You let them in and you trust them and you think maybe, just maybe, everything you’ve ever gone through is worth it because you found someone on this messed up planet who knows you.”

Situations.

And I'll always keep looking on the brighter side, because there always is one in every single situations. Every single fucking one. Whether you want to believe it or not, it's up to you to find something beautiful in the ugliest situations.

Just Make It Go Away.

This feeling approaches when you least expect it, yet it's always been a consistent routine. As soon as you thought you've forgotten about the pain, it rushes back to you as you relive the moment replaying everything in your head. You go to sleep at night wishing it'll just go away, which eventually it does, but always returns to revisit you again.

It's A Fucking Bitch.

Do you guys know that feeling where everything is going well throughout the day and then you space out and think of a certain thing from your past and you get all sad and literally relive that day and the same exact emotions you felt hits you all at once?

It All Comes Down To You.

When you complain that someone or something is making you sad or angry, ask yourself, “Why am I choosing to experience that feeling or to react in that way?” Blaming others will always take away your power. If you can discover why you are choosing to feel hurt by other people’s actions, you will learn much about yourself.

True Relationship.

A very important principle of relationships is that you cannot change another person; you can only transform yourself. You cannot force people to act in certain ways. Punishing, withdrawing, or trying to make people do what you want only strengthens their resistance. It turns your power over to others, making them the source of meeting your needs rather than yourself. You cannot make people change; however you can modify your reaction to their behavior. You can awaken your heart centers and shift your perceptions, beliefs, and thoughts. You can release needing others to alter their behavior, and love and accept them instead.

Deeper Conversation.

Theres something about having a deep meaningful conversation with the one you love. Like you strengthened your relationship and grew closer in a even more intimate relationship when you didn’t even believe it was possible. The feeling of creating something magical through your conversations and knowing the two of you are on the same page. Man, It’s truly something great. I love this feeling and I love being in love

Grateful.

Everything is so beautiful. Look. Look at how the sunshine outlines a leaf in soft gold. Look how pure the clouds are against the bright blue sky. Listen to the birds singing their song. Listen to the laughter of a child - listen to their innocence and their curiosity that most adults have lost. Feel the dirt; the dirt that provides as a home for beautiful to-be-sprouted plants. When they sprout, notice their colors. Rich green leaves, a bright yellow flower. Feel the love between you and someone you care about who cares about you as well. Feel the rain on your skin; a natural shower - your skin loves it. Look at the wild fruit that trees and bushes bear. This is nature’s candy. This is life. You are alive. What more could you ask for?

Waking Life.

“It might be true that there are six billion people in the world and counting. Nevertheless, what you do makes a difference. It makes a difference, first of all, in material terms. Makes a difference to other people and it sets an example. In short, I think the message here is… that we should never simply write ourselves off… and see ourselves as the victim of various forces. It’s always our decision who we are.”

Now It All Makes Sense.

When you slow down, or quicken your thoughts or your perceptions, you automatically begin to alter your focus, to step aside from your officially recognized existence. This is highly important, for in certain terms you are indeed transcending the time framework that you imagine to be so real.

Of Course, That's It.

We’re human beings that experience human emotions. How we feel is a reflection of our environment, and with today’s societal standards and the stresses that come along with them, it’s hard for people to not experience things like depression or social anxiety or bipolar ‘disorder’ or attention deffest ‘disorder,’ when those “disorders” aren’t even disorders, they’re natural human tendencies that come through our emotions! Until we change our environment to a more positive and uplifting state, over millions of people will continue to suffer from those emotions. It’s that simple.

Oh Boy.

Every day does gets better and better.
I truly do believe I have that one person for me.
It has been nearly three weeks since I met him..
Each time I talk with him, he opens my eyes a little bigger, seeing and learning of things that I never really tried to appreciate before. And I'm being able to enjoy life more, that's more then just working and living every day hoping for something better. He is the one person that I can be honest with, be straight with, and truly show who I am without the slightest idea that he would judge me. But be there for me. 
He would basically do anything to make me happy and he puts me first before anything, I think before himself. And ask nothing in return. I could not be use to this which is why I can't believe if this is really for real. How he makes me feel so safe, feels like home. Its unbelievable how much we talk, after three weeks we still have so much to say. Finding out new things, little things bout each other, always communicating.
The littles things are the most important. Like how he tells me he misses me when we only saw each other a few minutes ago. How he looks at me, as if he is telling me he loves me with his eyes. How he is so gentle with me.  How he kisses my forehead. How he reaches to hold my hand. How he pulls me closer to him. How he can talk with me bout anything, childhood, future. How he isn't afraid of showing me his true self. How every time he open doors for me. Being a proper gentlemen. As if I'm the most important person in his life, that I'm the only one that matters. That makes me love him.
Love that we are always talking about our future together, to our children, to our house, and even where we are going to live. We plan to spend as much time as we can. How we even plan, I have never been much of a planner but planning with him is the most important. Just the fact that we can talk anything, that we have kind of the same taste, similarities. Even though we are two completely two different people, we get each other. We trust each other.
He is the person for me, and I am never letting him go. I finally found the person for me, for me to love and him to love me. To always be there for me when no one else is. To be mine and only mine.
My happiness, I have finally found it. Him.

Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

“All speech, action, and behavior are fluctuations of consciousness. All life emerges from, and is sustained in, consciousness. The whole universe is the expression of consciousness. The reality of the universe is one unbounded ocean of consciousness in motion.”

that’s not living at all.

If there’s something that you feel in your heart as right, don’t ever trade that feeling in for an ideal that someone else expects you to live up to… because that’s not living at all.

One day at a time.

There are so many beautiful people out there putting so many things of value into the world and standing up for what’s right… it gives me such relief and it gains my confidence in knowing that things are gradually getting better.

D. H. Lawrence

I am part of the sun as my eye is part of me. That I am part of the earth my feet know perfectly, and my blood is part of the sea. There is not any part of me that is alone and absolute except my mind, and we shall find that the mind has no existence by itself, it is only the glitter of the sun on the surfaces of the water.

I wonder im far-sighted. The further things are, the better I can see. The closer things are the more I lose sight of them.

Finally. Finally. Finally. Finally. I found you.

Get Over It.

Life goes on and there's no way to stop it. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't. That's just the way it is.

I Miss You.

You touched my heart with the words you spoke. The feeling they provoked lingered in my chest. I repeated them to myself, but as they escaped from my mouth, the feeling wasn't the same. It's never the same if you're not around. I'm not the same if you're not around.

I am here and I am trying to live in the present, not the past of the future. I can do nothing about either of them and it's as simple as that.

Don't Forget It.

Close your eyes and think of everything that makes you happy. Close your eyes and think of me. Dream of the things that you want to do with your life. Dream about the things you wish you could have done differently and go back and do them. Sleep and let your dreams take over, because you are untouchable and there's nothing anyone can do to stop you.

Wake Up.

We all feel lonely at some point; some a little more the others. We all feel alive at some point; some a little less the others. We dream with our eyes closed and we dream with them open. We sleepwalk our way through life every day without ever knowing that we're actually asleep until one day, someone interesting comes alone and wakes us up. We close our eyes to forget the days that get us down and hold on to the moments that made us feel alive. I'll never forget the times that you made me feel alive.

Oh Yes, You Beautiful Man.

Today was a good day. I could feel us getting closer and not just in a obvious way. The way you make me feel is different, better. You make me feel special, pretty, happy. The way you hold my hand, kiss my cheeks and forehead, and pull me close to you; it just make me feel. I only hope that this turns into something more, something real.

Just To Be Myself.

I don't want to be afraid of living. I don't want to be afraid of the things I feel and the things I think. I don't want to be afraid to do all of the things I want to do. I don't want to be afraid to tell you how I feel or what I'm thinking. I don't want to be afraid. I just want to feel. I just want to think. I just want to do. I just want to live.

Oh Please, Please.

I feel like I get my hopes up too much. I get excited for things to happen then they never do and then disappointment sets in soon after. I've been trying not to be too excited about thing ahead of time, but this time and if there was no disappointment. Please, please, please, let me get what I want.

It Has Been A Year Since Then.

1.Get done with school.
2.Finish my designs.
3.Go see Faris.
4.Be honest.
5.Be more caring.
6.DON'T CUT HAIR, LET IT FLOW.
7.Be a good friend.
8.First tattoo on July 16th.
9.Learn acoustic guitar.
10.Learn drums.
11.Start longboarding.
12.Buy holga fisheye.
13.Make hemp bracelets.
14.Start opening up.
15.NO MORE SHYNESS.
16.Slowly down on Hot Cheetos.
17.Bike every morning.
18.Set things straight with everyone.
18.Listen
19.Obey.
20.Be honest with myself.
21.Take singing lessons.
22.Get an imagination.
23.Get Gauges.
24.Speak my mind.
25.Have my own opinions
26.Learn how to sew.
27.Master Hardstyle Shuffle
28.At least stay up one night to watch the sun rise at Perlis with Taro.
29.See Blink-182 LIVE.
30.Listen to more new local bands.
31.Be slick.
32.Learn to speak Bahasa Melayu
33.Go to bed around 9pm.
34.Speak to my old friends.
35.Give the ring back.
36.Save my money.
37.Get brand new Subaru WRX.
38.Make a yellow hat.
39.Start BREAK-THROUGH.
40.Unpack.
41.Finally Move on and Forget.
42.Show my feelings.
43.Learn my history.
44.Less straight-forward.
45.Write in my diary daily.
46.Climb a huge mountain.
47.Ride a Ducati Superbike 848.
48.Earth friendly.
49.Read more.
50.Learn how to cook.
51.Spend a day at the beach.
52.Be true to what I say.
53.Take my time.
54.Get my braces off.
55.Be more gentle and safe.
56.Share with Strangers.
57.Plant a mango tree.
58.Paint a picture.
59.Karma happens.
60.Play black-jack.
61.Attend Rantai in Malaysia.
62.Meet Yoji
63.Get better at driving.
64.あまり食べる.
65.人の人が考えることの苦労-LESS PRESSURE.
66.No drugs.
67.No drinking.
68.Live your life.
69.Be scared.
70.Don't always be happy.
71.Theres a time and place for everything.
72.Be strong.
73.Be respectful.
74.Learn to draw.
75.Take better pictures.
76.Be clean.
77.Finish the book of Mormon.
78.NO CELL PHONE.
79.Stress-free.
80.Learn to surf.
81.Lose some fat.
82.Smile more.
83.Laugh more.
84.Live more.
85.Be open.
86.Go to college.
87.Be helpful.
88.Less selfish.
89.Give back.
90.Love more.
91.Give a hug a day.
92.Meet a new person everyday.
93.Be closer to family members
94.Use words, not fist.
95.Buy more converse.
96.Get a macbook.
97.Find pirate.
98.Stop bitting my nails.
99.Live in Malaysia.
100.Be Gizmo.

Restart Button.

Loving things like I did when I was little is what is slowly, but surely, coming back into my life. Loving things because they catch my fascination with a curious passion, not loving things because they are what someone else told me to love.

Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow.

Everyday life is different from the last.
So I'll be the same and never be like the last.

People These Days.

It’s funny how certain people think that just because they don’t agree with me, they can change my opinion or stop me from doing what I love by trying to make me seem like a fool. It’s just like dude, let me do what I feel I need to do because for me, it is making a difference on certain degrees and I’ll keep doing what I can to expand it even more. Humanity would eat itself alive if it weren’t for the people who tried to make a difference.

Overthinking.

Not many people really know the feeling of actually feeling something on an inner level. I don’t mean feeling happiness or sadness, and I don’t mean feeling something physically… I mean, feeling as in a universal, intuitive, indescribable feeling of something purely right inside and out, manifesting all around. I think that’s because people are so conditioned to worry all the time due to how we were raised in this society… you know, worrying about being late or about what this person thinks about us or about how to act in front of certain people so they will like us… just worrying about anything, even things that aren’t even in existence like a scenario we play in our minds of a situation that isn’t even happening in the Now. We have been taught to put all of our energies into materialistic, superficial things that a lot of people have kind of lost touch with our natural intuition.
I feel that depression shouldn’t be something that you take a pill for. I don’t get the whole ‘take drugs to release serotonin in your brain’ thing because that’s basically exactly like taking ecstasy or drinking (etc.) to temporarily take the depression away. They both have the same outcomes which are dependency over the drug and increased depression if you don’t continue taking the drug. All of which leaving no room for personal experience to independently grow and actually become cured. There are so many natural, drug-free things people can do to cure their depression. Studies have shown that being in nature on a day to day basis decreases depression and can actually cure it as well. Studies have also shown that gardening, creativity (drawing, painting, writing, etc.), exercise and eating organic whole foods decreases and can even cure depression as well.

Enough.

I'll seek you out, filet you alive.
One more word and you won't survive.
And I'm not scared of your stolen power.
I see right through you any hour.
I won't soothe your pain.
I won't ease your strain.
I'm taking it slow, feeding my flame.
I won't soothe your pain.

Finally.

Oh I have found the one who mends with eyes.

If I Only Knew Sooner.

I heard about your regrets.
I heard that you were feeling sorry
I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right..
Well, I guess I should have heard of that from you.
I guess I should have heard of that from you.

Fragile.

The moment that I realize I'm starting to get attached to someone. I want that feeling of being careless back. I want to go back to those nights I went to sleep not worrying about anything. I hate being so fragile. I hate taking everything so personally. I hate that the littlest things get to me more then things that should actually matter.
My insecurities could eat me alive.

Stop. Don't. Go.

I cry alot more.
My insomnia is coming back.
I don't write anymore.
I'm getting more quiet.
Slowing changing but it's not good.

If I Ever Feel Better.

I'd like to actually start writing again.
Lately everything has been going by so far.