Letting go isn't easy

Your always thinking what could you have done better and how you would have done something different then what you did, but you didn't and so your regretting. It happens alot that you really don't know what to do with all those regrets expect letting it grow and it takes a toll on your everyday life, making you more mad, not enjoying your life but instead having a close mind, hard heart, hating something competely opposite of what your really hurting from. I must tell you that I have alot of regrets but I have been hurt so many timea that I have found a way that I forget it as soon I know that it's going to effect me. I don't want to be fall down by being upset or just simply mad. It's a waste of time for me, it's seriously not worth it, it's not going to get you anywhere expect your going to be walking in circles like I have been doing for a long time. It doesn't effect you but everything around you from what you say to another person or just a simple sad face. When people look at me they notice my smile but behind that smile for me is just me satifying them for I know that I'm doing that for them I don't want them to worry about me for I know that I'm weak and looking for someone to just pick me up and truly tell me what they think of me and not telling me something that they think that would make me happy when it just a big lie. I don't care if what you say might be hurtful, I always want them to be honest with me for if they can't be honest with me I'm pretty sure they can't be honest with themselves. In a way I'm helping them while helping myself, it's a neat thing when you really look and think about how people think. Letting go isn't easy but I think there is a lesson in there, just look for it.

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22/365 - here with you, miss you

I'll be actually away from you for sometime and I truly hope that I'll be the same person but somehow more mature, becoming more like the person that I have been hoping and dreaming about. It's what I have to do for myself. Maybe you will change for the better just for yourself. Put aside what people think or what they might say about the things you do, and ask yourself are you happy? I'm struggling, I'm sick, I'm scared, I'm feeling pain that I never dream of having and yet I am happy because I truly want these emotions so I can talk more about what I feel and explain whats going on because communcation is what I have, I'll use it more. As we keep talking we will grow closer to eachother because I can just be myself and say what I truly think and say what I want to say. Of course I already promised you, and I inted to keep my word. For you.

a good turn

As I walked all over downtown Salt Lake City I really pondered what my elder brother told me and this is what he said "even if it's the simplest thing, it will be hard for you if you don't understand". I realize that I truly wanted to be open minded to everything and every part of what I see and what I want to do. So I walking and it was so loud , fast , and chaos all around me but somehow I felt really at home. I grew up in that city and I miss it dearly even though I'm already back. So I learn alot each and every day of my life to become. I don't want to fall back on something that could be easily be tooken away, I need more faith is what I truly need. I was walking down 400 South and I just looked up at the sky and it was so blue and really huge like my eyes could see everything in the sky and it brought me to tears, literally.

I never use Canon but my friend let me play with their camera, it was so amazing. I'm trying to learn about Canon now.

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i akan berbicara lebih banyak dalam bahasa indo

21/365 - A Distance Mirror

We really don't think about the little things in life that makes it wonderful but you also feel that other side of happiness, joy that we all feel that isn't so ecstatic so we forget until it comes back but what if it never went away? Welcome to another side of thinking too much in the middle of the night, I think way too much that I actually make myself sick. I dream, hope and think way too much that my present life is so plain that I don't enjoy the time that I'm living now. I always try and plan on how, what I'm going to do but I really don't start. I talk and talk about them all the time but I don't do anything about it. Why can't I get started, I believe it's something inside me that is stopping me that makes me think that it's not a big deal that I could go back and always change it but I realize that I can't. I'm always wasting time and I don't think about what I could be doing or what I should be doing instead of doing something meaningless. I feel like nobody understand what I'm feeling because I say it so confusing that I don't even understand what I'm talking about. It might be good afar but when you get really close it's not such a pretty sight.

please understand

i forget again and again but haven't forgotten you

I feel pretty alive at 1:45 am

still behind that pole

i don't feel like blogging that much these days
maybe it just the changing places i have put myself in
i want something new but i don't do anything about it
i keep coming back to the same thing everytime
that has stopped and finally changed something
want to tell you everything but not sure if you hear it
i need to see that smile for it keeps me going
i do it for myself, who i want to become, and my past
i keep on walking but i don't dare to look up
i sit here and you sit over there so far from us
don't know what i did but it wasn't right
i do want to listen and exactly follow my dreams
hard when you have nothing to fall back on
nothing to hear but your echo

nothing much to say anymore

When I see this little lost boy crying for his mum but I do nothing but watch his expression searching and waiting for her to come and when she does I see his face glow and nothing else matter expect for that split moment when he runs back to her embracing her with happiness . I turn back to me and what do I have to run back to ? Nothing but an empty seat.

20/356 - Something New

I'm going to learn how to sing.
I always wanted to try it but I suck.
I'm going to hard my best and sing everyday.
Then I'll slowly learn how to play guitar.
I really want to sing, and I believe I have the voice.
So I'm going to give it a shot!

i'm so happy that imma change my hair color(:

something never wronger

Of course you know it's rude to talk behind someones back.
What happen to actually going up to the person and saying it.
I think it's rude in general but we are who we are.
Some people have no manners, no modesty, and it's disgusting.
I was waiting for a friend to be done and I witnessed some people.
It was too horrible to listen, and they wanted me to join.
I didn't know what to say so instead I just walked away.
Why can't it be easy, it's that simple.