Everyday is a little bit different then yesterday and of course tomorrow. But you really never know what is going to be different. I always wanted to just see what exactly is different but that is too much time spent on something that won't matter the next day. But maybe how I felt that moment does count.
Lately I haven't been writing as much I could be, instead been trying to live every day as I would like to with studying, working and just living day to day being myself and find it to be very comforting.
Little by little, I see myself becoming the person that I been writing about for many years finally coming true and it is an amazing feeling.

Lately.

I've been reading more then writing and it isn't so bad, at least I'm doing something. No more strange, weird, freighting dreams, well that I know of. My hair is finally growing and if you read from anywhere else is that I hate having short hair but when I try growing it out it doesn't look good like how I wanted it so I cut it then it keep repeating its self, and now it's slowly starting to grow so trying my best to not cut. I'm feeling more at peace with my surroundings, getting settled in and sure I'm not going anywhere any time soon.
To put it short, I'm a freelance photographer, writing, promoter and recently became a partner for a couple of clothing lines and it is just getting better and better. I'd like to get more involved with clothing and the art of designing, seeing where that takes me. I would like to stick with one things at a time but this just makes it more fun, designing while writing a piece for a music label what could be better?
Over the past few months I have met so many wonderful people, the way they live, how they live and what they think of everything to anything and I can't help but enjoy it. And makes my life more interesting then staying home on a Friday with a bag of sadpityandlonelynight.
More or less, everyday is just amazing and can't help but smile.

it keeps coming back

the problems that i would usually have come around the same way.
maybe it's something inside myself that hasn't moved on.
a part that will never leave me no matter how bad i want it to go.
is it suppose to stay around so one day i'll be strong enough to beat it?
whenever i don't feel like myself, it comes back,
i don't understand and i wish i did so i wouldn't be so confused...you know?
what i do is i forget it, just keep going with my life....
maybe that is why it always come back, and worse then before.
lets just say that one day i'll fix the problems and finally move on.
i can do it.

dreams.dreams.dreams.

zombies.
strangers following me.
running away from people.
getting shot.
car crashes.
getting eaten by birds.
kidnapped.
trapped.
loved ones dying.
not being happy.
suffering.

it's so worth it

Like I always wonder, having that silly grin on my face if that face actually makes people smile, or just filled them with joy. I know people always tell me it's amazing to see such a smile, so pure and bright but really does it make you smile? I honestly don't see it like that. I smile because i'm happy, content mainly. I am satisfied and truly grateful, that is more then enough to smile.

I need to start over again

I really need to keep up with the things that I really want to do, like with reading all these years I haven't been writing everyday like i said i would. I don't feel like myself when i'm not writing, drawing or doing anything that i have been enjoying over the years. Maybe it's just me that is changing and it scares me. I know something is wrong, but i just don't know what that is. I think it always help to have someone to talk to about, i already see a different side of it when i talk with someone makes my thoughts more clear. Not being alone in this makes me want to write even more then i usually did, i want to keep going because i love it. Not starting over, maybe just picking it up again.

I'll get over it

I always do. Every time i put something out there that is part of me, it somehow get worse as time passes no matter how hard or the best i'm doing. Maybe it's just bad luck i have with feelings that i can't share because i still have trouble revealing them. When I do, I end up getting hurt then the last time I put myself out there. I guess i'll never learn until it really hits me, or maybe it has but i'm always over it. It's not that I move on quickly it's just why waste my time on something that i can't have anymore..