12/365 - Extremely Hard

Everything is always easy but I'm too lazy or don't bother starting when it's that simple uggh I don't like when I'm like this because I'm always missing out on things that I wish I could have do or gone to, I need to get a move on and do something about it. I'll be away for Young Women and I can't wait for it, I'm so excited. I'll miss him for awhile but I'll live. I'm going to get loads and loads of pictures.

AWAY-AWAY JUNE 30TH/JULY 6TH

I'll be camping honey.

11/365 - Your Simply A Fool.

No, I'm not talking about me, I'm no fool. I'm just talking in general. There is seriously a time and place for everything but sometimes-sometimes people don't see that or don't have enough common sense so they wouldn't know, but they are just making a fool out of themselves and it's such a pathetic sight because I don't care but a little tiny part of me feels really sad and take pity on them. That time I wish I would have said something because it went on and on and wouldn't stop, sometimes I wish that people would just shut up because what they have to say it so retarded and doesn't make sense on what we or are talking about. Whatever. Your the fool.

10/365 - HAPPY-HAPPY

Aside from everything that I have written I still am happy on what I'm feeling and what I'm feeling right now, I'm not scared or frighten of whats tomorrow, but I'm going with a huge smile and little laughs on the way, I'm so happy yet I can't explain really why nor do wish too. I wish I could always seal what I'm feeling right now away till I can pull it out and just be happy for that moment at a time, so guess I will have to just be happy and try to always be that way. I'm just making myself happy and that's good enough for me right now, haha I would burst if anybody did the same but more then I could ever. Just the thought of that, making me smile and laughing because I'm curious and really excited to see who that person is. Having that happiness is hard but it's life and I really want to be the best I can be, A good person.

21 days till my birthday.

Thinking Of The Answer

I'm sorry that I can't write what I truly feel. I always want to help you in so many ways but others after all I'm just a wea k person that will never learn till I choose to take the time to actually change. I wish I could just tell you and put it out there but sometimes I can't because it's not my place, Just hopefully someday you can see finally see that and change for yourself and the better you will be. I can't say anything because I just don't know you, just my experience from what I learned from my surroundings and the people I love and my own experience but really you have to do it on your own. Every single person see every thing in their life differently from others and that whats so great about you, but you need to see that. I'm always here for you//though I don't seem like it just really impossible that I can't do though I really do, it's just hard for me.

Holding It Up

I suddenly feel like I'm alone in a cold, dark place that I can't get out of. I'm always trying my hardest but I'm never good and I just give up all together, It's always there, When I'm at my highest peak or just happy for that instant second, it's gone as soon as I get it. I have such a simple life but I make it harder for me. I'm looking but I don't truly see it.

9/365 - It's Seriously Not Easy.

I don't know what has been going on with me theses day, but I'm happy that I'm actually not having to access the internet or being stuck on here every single day and out there doing something. I have done a lot of things since I written and learned way more then I planned but who plans? It's hard doing something for someone that isn't exactly the kind of person that you would ever trust or bother even liking yet I personally still do it because I'm a good person and I truly believe that I am a good person so I do it and give them the honest truth on what I think. Give or take, I take the whole thing every single thing that they put and what they put out and calculate what is going to happen or what would have happen if they choose something else. I can feel their pain and I really wish that I didn't care so much for people, people in general it's such a burden for me, but I do want to help people so I feel like I'm doing something to make this world a better place for me and my surroundings. I just want to make that impact that impression left on their life and some way help them and hopefully that make a big mistake that they will soon regret and the things that I have learn, but people don't listen to, they don't want to. They want the easy life, it's not possible. You can only make it easier.

This weekend will be fun

I'm totally booked for amazing fun but I need a date..
Oh well, I'm happy that it has been raining all this week
lets pray for some next week for this heat.

8/365 - Happily Going Forward

Sometimes when I'm really mad or just completely sad I go outside and I cry or just think to myself but I always find a way to forget because I rather forget things that make me sad/mad for no reason. I moved on because it's seriously not worth my time. I really don't know why I think the way I do but it's a good thing that I'm not so weak and don't crumble into pieces.

7/365 - Having A Imagination

Even I don't have it, I always wish I did have a imagination so I could think of everything and draw it in such detail. I'm not creative. Wishing is hoping.

I LOVE YOU TARO SO MUCH !

Touching the ground

I feel amazing today when I don't look it, inside. This one guy made my eyes open and see things in his life that helped me in mine.
I'm back and thinking straight !!

6/365 - Hiding The Truth

When I'm talking to somebody I feel like their not saying something that they really should be saying but they afraid or won't like how I react, It makes me mad that you can't speak your mind, let it out. Makes me so curious on what your thinking because I don't know, I always assume the worse so sometimes I really don't want to hear it because it will save the heart ache, other I just need to know the honest truth, Why can't people just speak what they think or really truly want to say. Usually I won't bother talking to people because they always do this, they really tend to be boring and doesn't have anything to say, just the basic usual conversation. I feel like they are telling me something because I can't handle it. Just tell me the truth but not always. I'm not always the same person.
You tell me? Am I changing.

Gimme Me A New Tune

I need something new in life, something to do, something to like. I'm always going back and listening, liking things that I liked for years and years. Give me something new to like. I want something new and amazing that I will enjoy always, when I'm sad or mad, I'll always like it and I'll doubt it. I can't enjoy acoustic because I'm always wishing that I could play the guitar, I can't listen to Hardstyle to the max because I'm always missing the baddest Raves because I'm too far. Or basically in general, I'm always looking for something new that I don't enjoy the things that are right in front of me, I'm always looking for something or liking something that I can't have because it's too far, I wish that I could just grasp what I like. Maybe turn over a leaf in my life, I want to enjoy every thing and I want to be able to try it out before I bad talk it or even say that I don't like it. I will. I'm sure that I have alot of things that I don't like because I have already tried it and I seriously don't like it.
//We took lovely pictures together as Sisters for OSSIFICATION. <3

I Want You

AF Fisheye-Nikkor 16mm f/2.8D

5/365 - Was That Person

Boy, I wish I knew you so I can easily be friends with your friends. Have you ever walked by a group of people and saw that they were laughing and they dressed so cool and wish that you were a part of that group, I'm one of them. God, how cool were they, my friends do, not talk. There's always a time and place for every single thing. Anyway, when I got closer it was one of my old friends and ended meeting all of his friends and talking, it was very enjoyable. I wish I was me.

THIS MORNING

I'm feeling really good, it's sunny outside, the air is clean and smell so nice. Inside, Listening to Shannon's music. Today should be a good day. Hoping that it would rain today and just keep raining.

Waiting for the washing machine :)

4/365 - That Sweet Cookie

This whole weekend was very good for me, in so many ways. I met new friends and talk to old friends, and a super special bond with this person. I had some laughs but mainly cry like a little kid. My eyes are opening up to see everything and little things that I would have never seen or bother looking at. Clean shoes off and keep going. Get that sweet cookie of life and I know that I will have a greater sweet that's endless.

can't sleep now

I woke up around 6 this morning and I couldn't help but lay in my bed, looking at the ceiling and waiting for my mum to come in my room and wake me up. Our plans were hiking, but it got canceled and we just play games all day and now I'm tired, online changing my status.

Okay, Thanks a lot Taro for reading.

3/365 - Life is bliss

Its amazing when you see it for yourself and you can enjoy it.
I love mine and I want to make it better, Its going to be super hard but it totally worth it

I'm sure yours is too.

gizmo the brace face

smiling with braces is what i will miss. laughing when i have food stuck between them and getting attached to the rug when i fallin asleep on the living room floor, first time kissing a boy with them on. they have been with me through everything, i forget to take care of them and i'm paying the price, they are always with me but sometimes they hurt me and make me bleed and they get really annoying, want to just rip them off. they are apart of me, which is insane because i'm talking about a piece of metal but yet they are still here and i will smile. i kinda wish i could say this about a person..but i can't because people come and go and bring me happiness, making me laugh. others not the same and screw me out which i really think i would be so weak and just keep digging my own hole but i don't and it makes me happy to see what i have become and i thank my braces. not only are they making my teeth perfect but making me into a better person and looking at the good things at are around me that i can't see with these eyes. finding it will be hard and tough. i seriously think it's worth my time, don't you?

My Love Yellow Converse.

Only you can do that for me, make me happy.

-June 8th-

I'll never see that smile

It sucks that day I found out that I'm never going to be with that person again. Everything that we had and how we felt for each other and what we meant, Sometimes I hate myself for letting go and forgetting those sweet memories now I can't remember only the bad times when I should be talking to him and being happy for him when he is happy and leading a good life. I feel for him. I'm moving on.

2/365 - The Wrong Side.

I need to be honest with myself. I know I'm not as good as you think I am, or other people think because it's stressful being that person that alot of people see and I'm not that person, I'm not nice, sweet or even cheerful, I wear a mask that I take off when I really need to change or be real but I'm trying just on my own time and when I want to give and stop doing the things that I do, Hopefully one day I can break that mask and come out and show my true self. I don't give up, I just keep trying because I don't want to have a life that is depressing and I keep going with it and pretending that everything is alright. I want to keep moving forward to what I want and I know what someday I will have and enjoy it.

100 things

That I want to learn, experience and feel.

1.Get done with school.
2.Finish my designs.
3.Go see Faris.
4.Be honest.
5.Be more caring.
6.DON'T CUT HAIR, LET IT FLOW.
7.Be a good friend.
8.First tattoo on July 16th.
9.Learn acoustic guitar.
10.Learn drums.
11.Start longboarding.
12.Buy holga fisheye.
13.Make hemp bracelets.
14.Start opening up.
15.NO MORE SHYNESS.
16.Slowly down on Hot Cheetos.
17.Bike every morning.
18.Set things straight with everyone.
18.Listen
19.Obey.
20.Be honest with myself.
21.Take singing lessons.
22.Get an imagination.
23.Get Gauges.
24.Speak my mind.
25.Have my own opinions
26.Learn how to sew.
27.Master Hardstyle Shuffle
28.At least stay up one night to watch the sun rise at Perlis with Taro.
29.See Blink-182 LIVE.
30.Listen to more new local bands.
31.Be slick.
32.Learn to speak Bahasa Melayu
33.Go to bed around 9pm.
34.Speak to my old friends.
35.Give the ring back.
36.Save my money.
37.Get brand new Subaru WRX.
38.Make a yellow hat.
39.Start BREAK-THROUGH.
40.Unpack.
41.Finally Move on and Forget.
42.Show my feelings.
43.Learn my history.
44.Less straight-forward.
45.Write in my diary daily.
46.Climb a huge mountain.
47.Ride a Ducati Superbike 848.
48.Earth friendly.
49.Read more.
50.Learn how to cook.
51.Spend a day at the beach.
52.Be true to what I say.
53.Take my time.
54.Get my braces off.
55.Be more gentle and safe.
56.Share with Strangers.
57.Plant a mango tree.
58.Paint a picture.
59.Karma happens.
60.Play black-jack.
61.Attend Rantai in Malaysia.
62.Meet Yoji
63.Get better at driving.
64.あまり食べる.
65.人の人が考えることの苦労-LESS PRESSURE.
66.No drugs.
67.No drinking.
68.Live your life.
69.Be scared.
70.Don't always be happy.
71.Theres a time and place for everything.
72.Be strong.
73.Be respectful.
74.Learn to draw.
75.Take better pictures.
76.Be clean.
77.Finish the book of mormon.
78.NO CELL PHONE.
79.Stress-free.
80.Learn to surf.
81.Lose some fat.
82.Smile more.
83.Laugh more.
84.Live more.
85.Be open.
86.Go to college.
87.Be helpful.
88.Less selfish.
89.Give back.
90.Love more.
91.Give a hug a day.
92.Meet a new person everyday.
93.Be closer to family members
94.Use words, not fist.
95.Buy more converse.
96.Get a macbook.
97.Find pirate.
98.Stop bitting my nails.
99.Live in Malaysia.
100.Be Gizmo.

Vous Etes Ma Fantastique Muse

Her name is top secret, Thirteen. Her style is Unique.
She opens my eyes to new and fresh ideas.
She is seriously no doubt flawless.

1/365 - Regrets To Happiness

Every mistake, regret or ill feelings lead to where I'm at right now. I'm content because I'm stressed, happy, excited, mad, nervous. I'm feeling everything all at one and I have so many options to choose from. I feel weak and confident at the same time which is why I feel the way I do towards everything. It's like my mind and thoughts have been open and twisted around so I can see everything in every persons view.

(I'm going to be me) - June 9th

SORRY SORRY SORRY

Enough time for me to blog. I have been thinking alot of my friends what I get and what I don't get about them and finally finally I'm seeing the real them and I love how true they are but other just are just too scared because of what others might think of them and I really don't like that, think it's a waste of time. So I have this friend but I can't seem to understand , they are doing crap that really don't think ANYBODY should be doing , they are and they are trying to get me to understand why they are doing it and it's good. RIDICULOUS! Just get sick of them, I'm not dumping them , just getting some time away from them , Which is kinda why I haven't bee hanging out much. Lately I have been biking alot , maybe about 6 miles each day , getting out my stress and anger , it's fun for me because I get to see the sky .