what now.

i was extremely happy but you took that happiness away like that.
i seriously don't know what to say but i'm taking a huge risk.

few seconds of happiness

mostly i give and take each day i breathe.
i mainly take happiness from people that need it.
i realize that i have taken many things in my life for granted.
i never noticed because i was too close minded.
my life has changed so much that i can't catch it.
but i am happy that my life isn't going in circles.
i'm truly happy that i get back up and know that i can.
my timing isn't always the best.
i think too much into the future my present is slipping away.
now my mind is opening up.

28/265 - tears and sticks

I am starting to notice that I'm not the person that I see myself as. Maybe everything that has happened or is happening at the moment is having a big impact on me that I wouldn't simply let it go and I would expand it to the point that it is always on my mind making me sick. I am very good at hiding my emotions but when I let my guard down I just let it all out. I seriously need a better way of venting but it's what I have right now. When I was walking I felt really at peace with myself, maybe I can be better with everything if I was alone or just care only for myself. I don't think I could deal that what makes me so weak.

Something Isn't Right

I'm a little over my head, but I don't want to stop it.
I'm happy by hiding the sad smile on my face.
I am glad that I can wake up and move on.

27/365 - Blow the dust away .

Many weeks have gone by and nothing in my life has changed too much , I am still the same person with the same goals , dream but a different pace . I kind of feel like I'm running away from something that isn't there yet I'm afraid that I don't dare move on . I try many things to do and what I want to do but I don't and it just makes me feel so useless that I do the same thing over everyday . I'm fine with doing the little things that I have been asked of but is that it ? Maybe I'm thinking too much about the things that I overdo it . Like always when I'm like this a ray of light comes my way and I follow it , I found what I need and that actually works . My life isn't getting easier and I don't want it any other way , I'm finding myself in these tough times . I'm only getting started .

Super Ok

Many things were said and done.
They are over with and have begun.
It's the beginning but it's the end at the same time.
Words were exchanged nothing but the honest truth.

I know I'm not a good person but I try my best.
I'm not faking what I feel or what I say.
But I am confused with a lot of things.
I am who I am and I know that for sure.

It's my life, and I don't want to waste it.

feeling lighter

i cut my hair and surprisely i really love it.
i'll post a picture later.
i haven't been sleeping well but it's okay.
it's not affecting me that i can't do anything else.
i just get some rest.

26/365 - Only With Time

Suffering will make you stronger, I don't know about that. Everything in life will always have different answer, different ways, different questions because nobody is alike and it's just plain different. All my problems, stuggles, fear are not the same with everyone else. It might seem like it's the same. But they will always make me stronger because I grew up never giving up, I would if I don't think I can go on but I soon to realize that I can because I have done it before many times. Others, they make think different like they are doing it for someone they love, being the lessself person they are. Every thing needs a reason. The pain that I'm dealing with is inside my heart that only few would only understand, I'm not that strong but if I have enough faith in myself I know for sure that I will become a better person once I have passed it and actually be strong to live through it. The hardest is when you can't do anything and all you do is think, makes you really depressed because when I do it I think of all the things I could be doing but I'm not. Hopefully that will change as I keep getting more stuggles and problems in my life to come.

Maybe this isn't so bad, I mean yeah I wouldn't like it if I just didn't come back down there and kind of lost contact. I'm doing just fine and I'm loving what I'm about to do, hopefully that I won't lose my way and slowly lose myself. I know who am I and I love what I'm going to become. I have problems, struggles but I'm glad that I'm going through it. I am making sure that I still have some of me left and that I am going to come back down, just maybe for a little while. but i belive that i have found what i want to do.

8

I'm starting again, with everything.
I'll be more better at the things I'm bad at.
Being more honest with the people are me.
I won't hold in what is making me sad.
I wanna be able to talk to a person each day.
Don't want to be always so busy with work.
Just enjoy the simple life.

25/365 - Never Stop Writing

I never really enjoy writing in a notebook or on a page because I didn't enjoy my handwriting, maybe it's the pen. So I'm trying and trying, I want a really good handwriting that suits me. I never wrote with a pencil I usually write in pen and drawing or just doodling. I'll write what I'm feeling, what I did today.

i am truly happy with my life.

I feel different in a way that is good because it depends on how much I changed, I always want to change for the better. I'm really going to try my best because now I have something that I want to keep in my life always. I want to see things in a positive way I spent most of my life looking at the negative and not changing my point of view. I found someone that knows the real me and accepts me, that is the opposite of me and I adore him. It is always a good thing to change, but never is it going to be easy just worth it.


Night after night I look at the sky
And ask why you are not here.
Night after night I listen to the
Overwhelming sound of my heart

sometimes life gets harder everyday
right now things will never be the same
stand up! with everything you've got
cus after all we're the one whos winning

23/365 - just water for us

I got a chance to talk with Emily, like really talk to her even if all that time we talked she just kept telling me to stay here, I really do want to stay but at the same time I know that I can't because I already did what I wanted and needed to do for myself and slowly I want to find myself on my own. I don't want to burden anywhere, I know that I won't get anywhere down here expect in my own hole and keep digging and I won't stop. We talked mainly about me and she just listened, I told what I was really feeling, told her the honest truth. I feel so happy that I made her cry knowing that she did understand me and I can talk to her even when it isn't the best time for her and myself. I will miss everyone back home. I'm glad she heard me even if I was whispering the words to her and telling her every details, only drinking water after dinner. I love you Emily. I don't know when I'll come back but I will come back once in awhile because you are always on my mind.

Good Insomnia

I toss and turn at night because I'm too excited to what we are going to say to one another, what will bring us closer, will I be able to hold your hand, look in your eyes and tell that I love you. I'm happy that I'll be able to see you tomorrow, which is today, in a couple of hours. I'm going to keep myself busy till then. So I got a cup of water, listening to that song and I slowly closed my eyes and dream of you.

My weekend was too good, now I smile when I think about it
Just waiting till I come back

pergi dengan kebahagiaan

I pulang ke rumah untuk berakhir pekan sejak aku pindah dan saya tinggal di kota lain yang tidak begitu jauh tapi jauh sehingga saya tidak dapat melihat siapa yang saya inginkan ketika saya ingin . Banyak hal yang terjadi dengan cara itu saya tidak berencana untuk terjadi tapi sekali lagi saya selalu menjadi hal yang buruk pada perencanaan . I senang pergi jalan itu berjalan , begitu bahagia bahwa saya benar-benar berpikir i am kuat lalu i was sebelum dan akhirnya melanjutkan hidupku dengan cinta dan banyak kepercayaan .
maaf jika anda tidak dapat mengerti , beruang dengan saya

Letting go isn't easy

Your always thinking what could you have done better and how you would have done something different then what you did, but you didn't and so your regretting. It happens alot that you really don't know what to do with all those regrets expect letting it grow and it takes a toll on your everyday life, making you more mad, not enjoying your life but instead having a close mind, hard heart, hating something competely opposite of what your really hurting from. I must tell you that I have alot of regrets but I have been hurt so many timea that I have found a way that I forget it as soon I know that it's going to effect me. I don't want to be fall down by being upset or just simply mad. It's a waste of time for me, it's seriously not worth it, it's not going to get you anywhere expect your going to be walking in circles like I have been doing for a long time. It doesn't effect you but everything around you from what you say to another person or just a simple sad face. When people look at me they notice my smile but behind that smile for me is just me satifying them for I know that I'm doing that for them I don't want them to worry about me for I know that I'm weak and looking for someone to just pick me up and truly tell me what they think of me and not telling me something that they think that would make me happy when it just a big lie. I don't care if what you say might be hurtful, I always want them to be honest with me for if they can't be honest with me I'm pretty sure they can't be honest with themselves. In a way I'm helping them while helping myself, it's a neat thing when you really look and think about how people think. Letting go isn't easy but I think there is a lesson in there, just look for it.

<333333

22/365 - here with you, miss you

I'll be actually away from you for sometime and I truly hope that I'll be the same person but somehow more mature, becoming more like the person that I have been hoping and dreaming about. It's what I have to do for myself. Maybe you will change for the better just for yourself. Put aside what people think or what they might say about the things you do, and ask yourself are you happy? I'm struggling, I'm sick, I'm scared, I'm feeling pain that I never dream of having and yet I am happy because I truly want these emotions so I can talk more about what I feel and explain whats going on because communcation is what I have, I'll use it more. As we keep talking we will grow closer to eachother because I can just be myself and say what I truly think and say what I want to say. Of course I already promised you, and I inted to keep my word. For you.

a good turn

As I walked all over downtown Salt Lake City I really pondered what my elder brother told me and this is what he said "even if it's the simplest thing, it will be hard for you if you don't understand". I realize that I truly wanted to be open minded to everything and every part of what I see and what I want to do. So I walking and it was so loud , fast , and chaos all around me but somehow I felt really at home. I grew up in that city and I miss it dearly even though I'm already back. So I learn alot each and every day of my life to become. I don't want to fall back on something that could be easily be tooken away, I need more faith is what I truly need. I was walking down 400 South and I just looked up at the sky and it was so blue and really huge like my eyes could see everything in the sky and it brought me to tears, literally.

I never use Canon but my friend let me play with their camera, it was so amazing. I'm trying to learn about Canon now.

7

i akan berbicara lebih banyak dalam bahasa indo

21/365 - A Distance Mirror

We really don't think about the little things in life that makes it wonderful but you also feel that other side of happiness, joy that we all feel that isn't so ecstatic so we forget until it comes back but what if it never went away? Welcome to another side of thinking too much in the middle of the night, I think way too much that I actually make myself sick. I dream, hope and think way too much that my present life is so plain that I don't enjoy the time that I'm living now. I always try and plan on how, what I'm going to do but I really don't start. I talk and talk about them all the time but I don't do anything about it. Why can't I get started, I believe it's something inside me that is stopping me that makes me think that it's not a big deal that I could go back and always change it but I realize that I can't. I'm always wasting time and I don't think about what I could be doing or what I should be doing instead of doing something meaningless. I feel like nobody understand what I'm feeling because I say it so confusing that I don't even understand what I'm talking about. It might be good afar but when you get really close it's not such a pretty sight.

please understand

i forget again and again but haven't forgotten you

I feel pretty alive at 1:45 am

still behind that pole

i don't feel like blogging that much these days
maybe it just the changing places i have put myself in
i want something new but i don't do anything about it
i keep coming back to the same thing everytime
that has stopped and finally changed something
want to tell you everything but not sure if you hear it
i need to see that smile for it keeps me going
i do it for myself, who i want to become, and my past
i keep on walking but i don't dare to look up
i sit here and you sit over there so far from us
don't know what i did but it wasn't right
i do want to listen and exactly follow my dreams
hard when you have nothing to fall back on
nothing to hear but your echo

nothing much to say anymore

When I see this little lost boy crying for his mum but I do nothing but watch his expression searching and waiting for her to come and when she does I see his face glow and nothing else matter expect for that split moment when he runs back to her embracing her with happiness . I turn back to me and what do I have to run back to ? Nothing but an empty seat.

20/356 - Something New

I'm going to learn how to sing.
I always wanted to try it but I suck.
I'm going to hard my best and sing everyday.
Then I'll slowly learn how to play guitar.
I really want to sing, and I believe I have the voice.
So I'm going to give it a shot!

i'm so happy that imma change my hair color(:

something never wronger

Of course you know it's rude to talk behind someones back.
What happen to actually going up to the person and saying it.
I think it's rude in general but we are who we are.
Some people have no manners, no modesty, and it's disgusting.
I was waiting for a friend to be done and I witnessed some people.
It was too horrible to listen, and they wanted me to join.
I didn't know what to say so instead I just walked away.
Why can't it be easy, it's that simple.

19/365 - Trying your hardest

Doing my best isn't something I'm good at, but I want to be.
I have been going in circles and I want to get out.
Falling in the same hole and not climbing out.
I just want that to stop and actually keep going with progress.
I'm doing good, something happens that makes me stop.
Something that I don't know what is it, yet it impacts my situation.
I think it's something from my past but I can't find it.
Hope it gets better though.

6

I have been having dreams which is surprising for me because I never have them but lately they have been really frightening, scary dreams that I wake up very scared. After I wake up, I just forget them and I don't remember no matter how hard I try and I fall back asleep. I want to start waking up early and starting my day fresh. I want to understand my dreams, I'll jot down my dreams and figure it out. I don't want to have any dreams like the ones I have ever again, It's too abnormal for me.

oneweek

Yes and I'll keep going going.

5 days are coming easy

I know I can keep going , it's easy for now.

18/365 - Having some faith

I watched what I was doing with everything and anything.
I feel pretty good and I really need to be strong.
For something like anything in my life to work out.
I need to always be on my watch and think about what I'm doing.
I know I can do this, but for that second I think I can't.
I need to be strong and see if I can really do this.
If not, then I'm pretty much not what I thought I was.
I need this for myself.
I know I can do but it is going to be hard.

Day Two Is Simply Easy

It is still going and I'm solid.

5

Day one -
It's a start, beginning and it won't end.

Taking it back from the start.
I know it's going to hurt but I need to this.
I need this for myself.
I'm not thinking of just myself.
Well maybe I am but this is my time.
My time is to be myself and not get be held back.
I feel like I'm always doing something for others.
I want to do something for me but I don't know what.
Maybe I think it's just for me.

17/365 - Rocket in my mind.

I seriously don't know what to do.
I'm not bored but it's that time that I want something different.
I'm not that same person I was yesterday.
It is getting harder trying to do my best.
I really don't want to give up but yet walk away.
It seems like I don't know how to start.
But I don't know how to begin.
I need to do this for myself, I can't be helped.
Not with this problem.
I seem like I'm walking in circles.

16/365 - hurting on the inside

Once in awhile you have that moment to yourself to let it out everything that you have been holding it, well I haven't had that moment to myself but I can feel it coming to me and by now I thought that I finally gotten use to it that I wouldn't give into myself but I like that feeling that I get when I'm done, I know what to do with what I have right now and I'm ready to go. I kinda wish I had something when I was younger instead of being so weak and pretending to be who I am but I'm really not. When I have that moment then I'll let it all out and I'll finally feel great that I can cry again. I love having these feelings of what I'm feeling for every single thing, Always a joy.

4

I'm listening to Regina Spektor - The Calculation.
This morning I fell down and right now it's hurting so bad.
Yesterday my hair is back to feeling soft and smells good.
Tonight going to hang out with some chill people.
Tomorrow I'm going to finally get up.

O'course too good for words.

my heart is pretty full for what the reason of what it is, and I can't do anything but smile :). I wish you guys are having the same feeling of joyfulness that I'm feeling.

To happy for the weekend
I can feel the freedom
I want to do something fun
then again I don't' know what.

I had a good week, I got to see an old friend.
I found someone.
I feel like I have grown up some.

I don't know what to do!
I'm very excited.
I'm very shy.
I'm very nervous.
I'm very happy.
I'm very scared.
I want to cry.
I want to scream.
I want to jump with joy.
My heart is aching with happiness.
I seriously can't this, I wasn't prepare.

My heart is pounding pounding

I feel like I'm in love for the first time.
I don't know how to react to what your saying.
I can't stop my heart from pounding outside my chest.
I'm too nervous to say anything so I nod.
I sit as I try to think of something to say.
It's useless, I am trying to hard when your so good at it.
I can feel my face is all red and hot.
I can't think of anything, still.

3

I started to think of ideas what I could use for my use of the things I want people to see, It's going alright but I haven't started designing just yet. I'm still brain storming of new and better ideas.

All I want and more

I haven't been blogging that much and I haven't been writing in my book as well, I just can't think and how to put it in paper I don't know what I'm thinking maybe I just always thought that if I wrote it down then that would it be but when I'm done writing then later I would go back and read it, it doesn't look good so I would erase it or just rip the pages out of it. I don't know what to do about that, but I think its just that I don't have anything really to say. What I'm saying is that I just want more out of life instead of doing the same things every single day. I need something new.

Save tonight for I'll be gone.

I can't help but think of something amazing and forget it.

Okay, I haven't been that good. Soz.

sorry i haven't been writing. i mainly write in my notes since i don't have much time to get online like i use to. nothing much as happen since i have last blog, but alot of things have been on my mind. maybe i'm thinking too much trying to get a answer. i'm alright just not fine. i'm still finding simple ways to be happy and enjoy myself, it's not the same because i'm find the end of it. just hope that i try harder and focus on my studies then anything.

2

Maybe I'm just bad at timing but when I want something I don't get it and maybe the way that I didn't want it, so usually I don't want it but yet I still take it. It's a strange thing for me to do, but I'm seeing that I really do want it maybe I don't want people to know or to see me. So I try to forget but it's kinda there when I least expect it and it's kinda a funny thing but I enjoy it in that moment. I was thinking of something like that, when you don't want to do anything with it, it's there. When I want to see it, it's not always a good time but then again I'm pretty random, that I don't things in order. I think I just like the fact that it's going to be there, but I do want it always to be there for me or just with me. I just want to set things straight.

my 21 birthday

Always looking forward to it, maybe then I'll know who I am.

15/365 - Every Passing Face

It's always a good thing to have love in your life because your always feeling all these feelings that you thought that you could never have but yet you are feeling them right now and it's such a great feeling and I don't know what to make of it. On the other side, There is a lot of different kinds of love. Doesn't really make sense till you actually get it then it's such a really good feeling in your insides that you are always smiling with in your mind thinking of a simple thing that made you happy in the first place. I truly always want to have that feeling with me. To me, It's wonderful.
"Love makes life confusing without love, would you live?"

1.

If could do something better with myself, I would.

Changing Some Things

EVERYDAYGIZMO :]
IT'S A START. IT'S COPYRIGHT, NIG!

I was thinking of something today.

As I pass this nowhere place, I look at nothing or nothing I've done but I see so much pain, suffering. This is the picture I see, I'm walking, I'm breathing.

It's couldn't be that simple.

It seriously feels like everything that I plan on doing is going into place like I wanted it to, and even better. It's such a great feeling.

I'll be going back down to my home, but I would like to tell you that I'm happy right in this moment. I know that maybe it doesn't look like it, but I know who I am and I really don't care what I am or what I did. I'm truly happy because I know where I'm going. I'm always asking questions to my friends about me and they know who I really am or what I'm trying my best to become, it's good to get some really amazing insights about myself and the other things around me, I don't shut anybody out just giving them a chance to know me and getting to know them. I'm content. So with that, I'll be in Arizona for a week or so depending on how I feel down that, I can't wait to see my cousins and my loved ones. I'll miss you.

It's time for that moment.

I want something for myself that I never thought of before. It's not something that is expensive or anything that most people will think of but I think of it daily, I can't help but long for it. I don't know if I will ever get it, but I'll get pretty close that I will be happy for that instance second if I won't get that happiness again, I'll be happy that I got that chance of relief. It's rather depressing to think about thing that you would never think about but it's only when I'm alone and thinking of all the possible things that I could be doing, but mostly I'm thinking all of the negative things that will happen and I can't help scare myself, I wish I was stronger so I wouldn't need anybody that I can cry to, making up theses lie that won't last but will make me worse then I was before. I need this for myself right now.

14/365 - Growing trees

私がしたいように成長していないんだけど、私があるのではないかなとは別の方法を学んでいる。 But for one thing, I'm happy that I'm learning different things that I don't think I would have learn if I was doing the right thing. I feel smarter already, I'm glad.

July,16,2009<3

Having a blasty Weekend.

Took pictures.
Ate some pizza.
Got full off of cake.
Went Swimming.
Had some laughs.
Said some mean things.
Felt happy.
Family time.
Facebooking.
Biked.
Walked.
Watched a movie.
Slept.
Texting nonstop.
Popcorn balls.
Fabric.
Went the city I loved.
Water Water.
I'm having a good b-day weekend.

That little line.

I'm always thinking of some way that I'm not as great as people think I am. I really wish I was so that I wouldn't feel like I'm cheating somebody. I just want to straight and forward with everything so I won't leave anything out, but it's just wishful thinking. I'll get sick of just not doing anything about the things I want to do, and I'll do them.

Gizmo Francisco-Gorman

I am what I am, I love everything that I have done, doing and what I will do. I like what I like and I'm changing so sometimes I can like it and others I'll change into something else, I won't be the same person as I was yesterday but I'm half-half.

hear the song of my heart.

I don't really feel like writing anymore.As I'm getting older, I don't have time to me. My song is the life that I was given, which wasn't that much but I took it and gave the best I could, I have been taking myself pretty hard and do thing that I'm not really proud of yet I know what I did wrong and I fully regret but I'm forgetting because I don't want that to be a burden on me when the future to come and what I have to do. I have gotten strong yet I'm still weak and I know what my cons and pros. I just want to be square with everything so I won't be broken when I need to be strong and get back up. I probably don't make sense but it's all in my head which I can't really express still I try my best. It's probably not the best song but it's what I have for right now, maybe later it will be more better when I'm all grown.

I think It's starting

Happy Birthday, Mickaela Annie Allison.

She Is 14, But We Say She Just Turned 12. Gosh, I Love Her So. I'll Take Alot Of Pictures. I Just Got Off My Braces And I Have To Say My Teeth Are So Perfect. We Take Pictures Alot Nowadays.

Your Cool, I'm Square.

I seriously need to start writing, I can't think when I do I don't have anything to write it down, hahaha. I haven't been online for awhile and I can't write because I kinda forgot. I'm too tired right now to write. I couldn't sleep all that good last night because I was thinking about him, sorry sorry. Maybe I am a yellow square:)?

13/365 - True Happiness

I spent my early week birthday with him and it was so fantastic, I got the most cutest adorable thing in the world and I love it, He can be so sweet and nice, but at the same time he can be strong and very demanding, he knows what he wants and he will get it. He is a person I can truly call him my own friend...etc. He is going to be gone next week for my birthday, so sad.

(sorry for late reply)

12/365 - Extremely Hard

Everything is always easy but I'm too lazy or don't bother starting when it's that simple uggh I don't like when I'm like this because I'm always missing out on things that I wish I could have do or gone to, I need to get a move on and do something about it. I'll be away for Young Women and I can't wait for it, I'm so excited. I'll miss him for awhile but I'll live. I'm going to get loads and loads of pictures.

AWAY-AWAY JUNE 30TH/JULY 6TH

I'll be camping honey.

11/365 - Your Simply A Fool.

No, I'm not talking about me, I'm no fool. I'm just talking in general. There is seriously a time and place for everything but sometimes-sometimes people don't see that or don't have enough common sense so they wouldn't know, but they are just making a fool out of themselves and it's such a pathetic sight because I don't care but a little tiny part of me feels really sad and take pity on them. That time I wish I would have said something because it went on and on and wouldn't stop, sometimes I wish that people would just shut up because what they have to say it so retarded and doesn't make sense on what we or are talking about. Whatever. Your the fool.

10/365 - HAPPY-HAPPY

Aside from everything that I have written I still am happy on what I'm feeling and what I'm feeling right now, I'm not scared or frighten of whats tomorrow, but I'm going with a huge smile and little laughs on the way, I'm so happy yet I can't explain really why nor do wish too. I wish I could always seal what I'm feeling right now away till I can pull it out and just be happy for that moment at a time, so guess I will have to just be happy and try to always be that way. I'm just making myself happy and that's good enough for me right now, haha I would burst if anybody did the same but more then I could ever. Just the thought of that, making me smile and laughing because I'm curious and really excited to see who that person is. Having that happiness is hard but it's life and I really want to be the best I can be, A good person.

21 days till my birthday.

Thinking Of The Answer

I'm sorry that I can't write what I truly feel. I always want to help you in so many ways but others after all I'm just a wea k person that will never learn till I choose to take the time to actually change. I wish I could just tell you and put it out there but sometimes I can't because it's not my place, Just hopefully someday you can see finally see that and change for yourself and the better you will be. I can't say anything because I just don't know you, just my experience from what I learned from my surroundings and the people I love and my own experience but really you have to do it on your own. Every single person see every thing in their life differently from others and that whats so great about you, but you need to see that. I'm always here for you//though I don't seem like it just really impossible that I can't do though I really do, it's just hard for me.

Holding It Up

I suddenly feel like I'm alone in a cold, dark place that I can't get out of. I'm always trying my hardest but I'm never good and I just give up all together, It's always there, When I'm at my highest peak or just happy for that instant second, it's gone as soon as I get it. I have such a simple life but I make it harder for me. I'm looking but I don't truly see it.

9/365 - It's Seriously Not Easy.

I don't know what has been going on with me theses day, but I'm happy that I'm actually not having to access the internet or being stuck on here every single day and out there doing something. I have done a lot of things since I written and learned way more then I planned but who plans? It's hard doing something for someone that isn't exactly the kind of person that you would ever trust or bother even liking yet I personally still do it because I'm a good person and I truly believe that I am a good person so I do it and give them the honest truth on what I think. Give or take, I take the whole thing every single thing that they put and what they put out and calculate what is going to happen or what would have happen if they choose something else. I can feel their pain and I really wish that I didn't care so much for people, people in general it's such a burden for me, but I do want to help people so I feel like I'm doing something to make this world a better place for me and my surroundings. I just want to make that impact that impression left on their life and some way help them and hopefully that make a big mistake that they will soon regret and the things that I have learn, but people don't listen to, they don't want to. They want the easy life, it's not possible. You can only make it easier.

This weekend will be fun

I'm totally booked for amazing fun but I need a date..
Oh well, I'm happy that it has been raining all this week
lets pray for some next week for this heat.

8/365 - Happily Going Forward

Sometimes when I'm really mad or just completely sad I go outside and I cry or just think to myself but I always find a way to forget because I rather forget things that make me sad/mad for no reason. I moved on because it's seriously not worth my time. I really don't know why I think the way I do but it's a good thing that I'm not so weak and don't crumble into pieces.

7/365 - Having A Imagination

Even I don't have it, I always wish I did have a imagination so I could think of everything and draw it in such detail. I'm not creative. Wishing is hoping.

I LOVE YOU TARO SO MUCH !

Touching the ground

I feel amazing today when I don't look it, inside. This one guy made my eyes open and see things in his life that helped me in mine.
I'm back and thinking straight !!

6/365 - Hiding The Truth

When I'm talking to somebody I feel like their not saying something that they really should be saying but they afraid or won't like how I react, It makes me mad that you can't speak your mind, let it out. Makes me so curious on what your thinking because I don't know, I always assume the worse so sometimes I really don't want to hear it because it will save the heart ache, other I just need to know the honest truth, Why can't people just speak what they think or really truly want to say. Usually I won't bother talking to people because they always do this, they really tend to be boring and doesn't have anything to say, just the basic usual conversation. I feel like they are telling me something because I can't handle it. Just tell me the truth but not always. I'm not always the same person.
You tell me? Am I changing.

Gimme Me A New Tune

I need something new in life, something to do, something to like. I'm always going back and listening, liking things that I liked for years and years. Give me something new to like. I want something new and amazing that I will enjoy always, when I'm sad or mad, I'll always like it and I'll doubt it. I can't enjoy acoustic because I'm always wishing that I could play the guitar, I can't listen to Hardstyle to the max because I'm always missing the baddest Raves because I'm too far. Or basically in general, I'm always looking for something new that I don't enjoy the things that are right in front of me, I'm always looking for something or liking something that I can't have because it's too far, I wish that I could just grasp what I like. Maybe turn over a leaf in my life, I want to enjoy every thing and I want to be able to try it out before I bad talk it or even say that I don't like it. I will. I'm sure that I have alot of things that I don't like because I have already tried it and I seriously don't like it.
//We took lovely pictures together as Sisters for OSSIFICATION. <3

I Want You

AF Fisheye-Nikkor 16mm f/2.8D

5/365 - Was That Person

Boy, I wish I knew you so I can easily be friends with your friends. Have you ever walked by a group of people and saw that they were laughing and they dressed so cool and wish that you were a part of that group, I'm one of them. God, how cool were they, my friends do, not talk. There's always a time and place for every single thing. Anyway, when I got closer it was one of my old friends and ended meeting all of his friends and talking, it was very enjoyable. I wish I was me.

THIS MORNING

I'm feeling really good, it's sunny outside, the air is clean and smell so nice. Inside, Listening to Shannon's music. Today should be a good day. Hoping that it would rain today and just keep raining.

Waiting for the washing machine :)

4/365 - That Sweet Cookie

This whole weekend was very good for me, in so many ways. I met new friends and talk to old friends, and a super special bond with this person. I had some laughs but mainly cry like a little kid. My eyes are opening up to see everything and little things that I would have never seen or bother looking at. Clean shoes off and keep going. Get that sweet cookie of life and I know that I will have a greater sweet that's endless.

can't sleep now

I woke up around 6 this morning and I couldn't help but lay in my bed, looking at the ceiling and waiting for my mum to come in my room and wake me up. Our plans were hiking, but it got canceled and we just play games all day and now I'm tired, online changing my status.

Okay, Thanks a lot Taro for reading.

3/365 - Life is bliss

Its amazing when you see it for yourself and you can enjoy it.
I love mine and I want to make it better, Its going to be super hard but it totally worth it

I'm sure yours is too.

gizmo the brace face

smiling with braces is what i will miss. laughing when i have food stuck between them and getting attached to the rug when i fallin asleep on the living room floor, first time kissing a boy with them on. they have been with me through everything, i forget to take care of them and i'm paying the price, they are always with me but sometimes they hurt me and make me bleed and they get really annoying, want to just rip them off. they are apart of me, which is insane because i'm talking about a piece of metal but yet they are still here and i will smile. i kinda wish i could say this about a person..but i can't because people come and go and bring me happiness, making me laugh. others not the same and screw me out which i really think i would be so weak and just keep digging my own hole but i don't and it makes me happy to see what i have become and i thank my braces. not only are they making my teeth perfect but making me into a better person and looking at the good things at are around me that i can't see with these eyes. finding it will be hard and tough. i seriously think it's worth my time, don't you?

My Love Yellow Converse.

Only you can do that for me, make me happy.

-June 8th-

I'll never see that smile

It sucks that day I found out that I'm never going to be with that person again. Everything that we had and how we felt for each other and what we meant, Sometimes I hate myself for letting go and forgetting those sweet memories now I can't remember only the bad times when I should be talking to him and being happy for him when he is happy and leading a good life. I feel for him. I'm moving on.

2/365 - The Wrong Side.

I need to be honest with myself. I know I'm not as good as you think I am, or other people think because it's stressful being that person that alot of people see and I'm not that person, I'm not nice, sweet or even cheerful, I wear a mask that I take off when I really need to change or be real but I'm trying just on my own time and when I want to give and stop doing the things that I do, Hopefully one day I can break that mask and come out and show my true self. I don't give up, I just keep trying because I don't want to have a life that is depressing and I keep going with it and pretending that everything is alright. I want to keep moving forward to what I want and I know what someday I will have and enjoy it.

100 things

That I want to learn, experience and feel.

1.Get done with school.
2.Finish my designs.
3.Go see Faris.
4.Be honest.
5.Be more caring.
6.DON'T CUT HAIR, LET IT FLOW.
7.Be a good friend.
8.First tattoo on July 16th.
9.Learn acoustic guitar.
10.Learn drums.
11.Start longboarding.
12.Buy holga fisheye.
13.Make hemp bracelets.
14.Start opening up.
15.NO MORE SHYNESS.
16.Slowly down on Hot Cheetos.
17.Bike every morning.
18.Set things straight with everyone.
18.Listen
19.Obey.
20.Be honest with myself.
21.Take singing lessons.
22.Get an imagination.
23.Get Gauges.
24.Speak my mind.
25.Have my own opinions
26.Learn how to sew.
27.Master Hardstyle Shuffle
28.At least stay up one night to watch the sun rise at Perlis with Taro.
29.See Blink-182 LIVE.
30.Listen to more new local bands.
31.Be slick.
32.Learn to speak Bahasa Melayu
33.Go to bed around 9pm.
34.Speak to my old friends.
35.Give the ring back.
36.Save my money.
37.Get brand new Subaru WRX.
38.Make a yellow hat.
39.Start BREAK-THROUGH.
40.Unpack.
41.Finally Move on and Forget.
42.Show my feelings.
43.Learn my history.
44.Less straight-forward.
45.Write in my diary daily.
46.Climb a huge mountain.
47.Ride a Ducati Superbike 848.
48.Earth friendly.
49.Read more.
50.Learn how to cook.
51.Spend a day at the beach.
52.Be true to what I say.
53.Take my time.
54.Get my braces off.
55.Be more gentle and safe.
56.Share with Strangers.
57.Plant a mango tree.
58.Paint a picture.
59.Karma happens.
60.Play black-jack.
61.Attend Rantai in Malaysia.
62.Meet Yoji
63.Get better at driving.
64.あまり食べる.
65.人の人が考えることの苦労-LESS PRESSURE.
66.No drugs.
67.No drinking.
68.Live your life.
69.Be scared.
70.Don't always be happy.
71.Theres a time and place for everything.
72.Be strong.
73.Be respectful.
74.Learn to draw.
75.Take better pictures.
76.Be clean.
77.Finish the book of mormon.
78.NO CELL PHONE.
79.Stress-free.
80.Learn to surf.
81.Lose some fat.
82.Smile more.
83.Laugh more.
84.Live more.
85.Be open.
86.Go to college.
87.Be helpful.
88.Less selfish.
89.Give back.
90.Love more.
91.Give a hug a day.
92.Meet a new person everyday.
93.Be closer to family members
94.Use words, not fist.
95.Buy more converse.
96.Get a macbook.
97.Find pirate.
98.Stop bitting my nails.
99.Live in Malaysia.
100.Be Gizmo.

Vous Etes Ma Fantastique Muse

Her name is top secret, Thirteen. Her style is Unique.
She opens my eyes to new and fresh ideas.
She is seriously no doubt flawless.

1/365 - Regrets To Happiness

Every mistake, regret or ill feelings lead to where I'm at right now. I'm content because I'm stressed, happy, excited, mad, nervous. I'm feeling everything all at one and I have so many options to choose from. I feel weak and confident at the same time which is why I feel the way I do towards everything. It's like my mind and thoughts have been open and twisted around so I can see everything in every persons view.

(I'm going to be me) - June 9th

SORRY SORRY SORRY

Enough time for me to blog. I have been thinking alot of my friends what I get and what I don't get about them and finally finally I'm seeing the real them and I love how true they are but other just are just too scared because of what others might think of them and I really don't like that, think it's a waste of time. So I have this friend but I can't seem to understand , they are doing crap that really don't think ANYBODY should be doing , they are and they are trying to get me to understand why they are doing it and it's good. RIDICULOUS! Just get sick of them, I'm not dumping them , just getting some time away from them , Which is kinda why I haven't bee hanging out much. Lately I have been biking alot , maybe about 6 miles each day , getting out my stress and anger , it's fun for me because I get to see the sky .

Good

I'm feel good today , I actually got some sleep and I feel refreshed .
I'm moving out of my old house into my new house and seriously excited , but I wish Yackie was with me so we can have fun putting things where they are going to go , but she is at a concert that I didn't want to go to . Right now I'm feeling empty so I'm packing things to get my mind busy busy busy .

YOUR SHIT IS WEAK

True that , Why are people so weak ?

うまくいけば、誰かの漢字を読み取る

しない場合はどのような話は全く異なっているのだろうか頭の中でどのように考えですか？
分かったので、私は、人々には話が間違ったことを言っていることは素晴らしいし、何も私の言っていると間違っている私の頭。
WAAAAAAAAAAH ! T.T I'M REALLY SORRY DOOD !


私も難しいこの時期試してみます...:<

waking up

GOING TO START SOMETHING NEW AND FRESH
Start to think more about some things that i would usually skip and wouldn't think twice about but a lot of things has happened to me these past days and starting to see the good and the bad in people more and more and waking up, realizing that sometimes people do make mistakes and I can't judge because it happens, thanks.


TODAY I SLEPT FOR 3 HOURS<33

Sometimes I just want to give up

Your old friends, new friends, just people in general . I can't stand them when they just don't bother putting in the effort to be on the side line with you and don't bother taking an interest in you , but yet they are so selfish to only talk about themselves , I'm not really giving up , just seriously so pissed off that I don't want to hang out with anybody for awhile . I wonder if they really think about what happen or what I said to them . Of course I give in and still put up with them , just want to let go because if my friends are like this then I really wouldn't want to be friends with them because it isn't going to go anywhere

Insomnia

I'm sure that everybody has it at least one , I have had it this month so many times that I didn't sleep for 3 days , it was making me sick . I would be too stressed or even be too awake that I couldn't fall asleep no matter how many times I tried , just watch tv or even text , being online and even I would fall asleep but I didn't feel rested .,When I can't sleep , I have been designing more and more of my designs and creations
I really think that I do better when I'm wide awake and thinking alot....
"When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake."

FRANCISCO-GORMAN CREATION

Very own creations, Photography & Graphics Arts<3
I'll start doing my own when I'm out of school and working so I actually have time to focus on mine, but I have been working on some digital pictures :)

Cheap camera but very durable :D

MOVING

I'll be out of my old lovely house and into a huge and really nice/old house~ get my own studio and kitchen with 1/2 bathroom. I'll take pictures. I have so memories in my old house, things I did in that house(emilyy), pictures I took, hanging out

I'm glad that we can bring Roofus and Tom-tom :)

Ok I know now what I really want to say and won't stop what I'm thinking

I have alot of things that are in my mind and I really don't know how to tell you or even say it but it's all in my head and I wish I could just give you a piece of my pain so you would understand instead of thinking that you know what I'm feeling or even talking about, I have been through alot of crap in my life which would probably make me really unsure or weak about myself but I'm not a weak person, to cut it short. I can't express my feelings.
---日本語、私はあなたにたくさんの愛を読み取ることができますヾ(oﾟωﾟo)ﾉﾞ
Sorry I'm writing alot, trying to catch you up on my life.

Other things aren't so bad

(Remembering__) Alot of things that are bad when it comes to doing bad things or making a single little mistake , I will explain. I was about 13, It was a Sunday and it went to church that day and it was a really boring day but my mum wanted us to go play with a girl that lived around the corner, Yackie and myself and I really didn't want to, because I didn't feel like and thought she was really weird and didn't want anything to do with her. Yet my mum locked us out of the house and we went over there, didn't do much just hang around her house, all amazed and have alot of fun and learning about her. Her name was Jessica Robinson and She has been my friend for that many years and still going on, I love her so much. Now we don't really hang out much because of the things that we did or have done and our parents are keeping us away from eachother but once in awhile we talk. I cry alot when I think about her because I feel this sharp pain in my stomach and think that she needs me more then I need her, one day I hope that I will be with her again, god sometimes I really hate my parents and think what best for me, I just want her thats all. ~~~ thanks, Can't really have best friends because she is the only one


Last week, It was pouring and so windy which made my insomnia even worse and had sorta of a panic attack where I couldn't breath and my mind was full of things that I was thinking all at the same time and I couldn't slow down and everything was going so fast, I never want to feel that again, I really need that person that will slow my heart down and keep me calm.

I'm so tired of things that I use to care about but in the end , it screws me over

I'm the kind of the person to go out of my way for people regardless of who they are and what they have done to me , I'm very forgiving but for somebody just to use me and I fall for it every time then to just leave me without explaining or bother telling me , pisses me off but yet I can't stop or even move on from it leaving another hole in my heart , I wish I could just set it straight but of course I would say I'm very easy to dupe or try and control but yes I have feelings that won't change , I really wish I could change into the person that I really want to become and forget all those feelings that I'm holding on to very close to my heart even if it hurts me so much changing me cryI want to be able to look at my past and say I did not forget but I got stronger from me and I know now what I have to do and what not to do .

I have been kinda regreting something

Thinking of everything that I ever did and thinking how I could have prevented that or doing this , In someway I think that it's suppose to happen for a good reason and maybe help in the long run .

For Everybody Not Giving Up

I Really Have Been Thinking About The People Who I Have Met And People I Have Talk To Daily And I Think It's So Cool And Amazing How They Spend Their Lives Each Day And I Look At My Life And See How Plain It Is But On The Other Hand , Don't Think I Wouldn't Change It Ever Because I Have The Most Greatest Person In My Life And Thats Miss Emily Here , She Is So Amazing And She Doesn't Give Up But Looks Towards The Future With Her Head Up And She Is So Adorable I Know That She Is Going To Do Many Things , Wish I Could By Right Beside Her But I Have To Get On With My Life , I Love Her So Much , My Favorite Person . :) Of Course She Is A Little Trouble But I Love It ! It Makes Me Happy That People Don't Give Up When They Hit Rock Bottom ! Of Course The Would Always Want To Give Up But They Found Some Way To Look Past That And Figure It Out ! My Way Is Emily , Always Makes Me Feel So Good About Myself .