i thought it was good

the times that i laugh and cry are just those feelings that i let out so easily. i was never the person that had an ounce of angry or frustrated, but that is lately what i see. i just want to get away and be that person how i use to be, i still remember.

new friends
naps
ramen noodles
hugs
fuji water
writing whats in my heart is a struggle
showing my emotions is yet to come
lames jokes
hujan
alone time is my time
skateboarding
nail polish
deep conversations
phone calls

yet i tend i get lonely

when i have my happy moments, not really to the point where there is no room for anything except that such joy but i do feel a bit sad that somewhere inside me isn't right and honestly don't know what to do with it. i have tried many things to get it out or at least figure out what it is, yet it lingers and just stays. i know it isn't guilty or regret but it just somewhat lonely where i can't be fully happy, where i don't want to be around people but my journal, and me being somewhere alone and just nonstop writing. someday i'll figure it out.

just another wish

Music just has a way of making everything better. Now wish I knew how to sing, then I would never stop for music just makes me happy and think of a better day.

just a random thought

I wonder when people actually decide to change their life...when they don't want to suffer or what...so confused about what people think about things. what do they really think about when they are asked a question, or how they respond with a question instead of an answer. how deep does one person think.

never the same as the last.

Once in a great awhile people come into life that just makes you hope for a better tomorrow, putting a smile on your face, just thinking of them makes you fill up on joy and such excitement of the future. For myself I am slowly but surely reaching to that point of happiness. In good and bad times I have that person to keep that smile on my face, finding a way to make a deeper kind of love. You just are so use to their love, how they make you feel that you can't help but to share it and keep it growing, that is how I feel when I feel for the people I care about I always want to keep giving it. It's the people that make you want to do better for yourself, getting what you want out of life that makes you want to do your best that is worth sticking around for them to see you grow into the person you see yourself to be. I'm happy to have a person that cares for me in such a way that I yet to see what they see in me, making me feel content that I can't do for myself. I want to grow and truly making something of us for us, I don't want to waste the time that I have been giving on something that won't last long enough for me to enjoy. When people come into your life simply like this then you should do what makes you happy, because I am happy to have something close like this in my life, and it only gets better. I know I'm happy because I can wake up and just smile for no reason at all. I'm happy.
- In short, I love you.

my guilty pleasures

cute little face symbols
rain on my face
longboard
little giraffe i call greg
smell of tide on fresh clean clothes
adorable little brown girl
deep conversations
flaming hot cheetos with lime
smiling faces
hot tasty yummy noodles
cold fuji water
354922384
SALT LAKE CITY
my past notes
licking rocks
regina spektor
cheesy words
dashboard confessional
feather pillows
babies
polaroid pictures
reading books
he keeps my heart warm
walking to random places

thoughts in a journal

as i walk through town i see what i should have, could have done if i was here at the moments it happened, feeling not sad nor guilty just full of regrets that i carry with me, how i was feeling and of course what was the outcome of the decisions i make or what i didn't take affects me. i know i shouldn't live with my regrets but i wasn't truly living my life how i wanted to or i didn't get to choose. in the end it all came back to me and i was the only one suffering because it was my choice to let it go on and slowly, slowly i began to suffer more.

so far, so good.

Since I last blog'd things have been interesting day after day.
In truth I'm happy. Gotta keep healthy, lacking that. :j

not myself sometimes

Will I ever be the person I have been longing to be if I'm sad?

still i won't give up

mostly the things i love do will slowly fade from me.
the things that i thought meant so much to me, don't anymore.
i tried my best hoping for the good of it but it never came.
i'm suffering yet i won't dare stop my heart from hurting.
i begin to wonder if i'm too weak to handle anything?
will i keep trying my best and get nothing in return
i don't want to be that person, still i don't do anything bout it.
my smile will eventually turn upside down.
that pain will be there in my heart once again.